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Tag Archives: humor

Ginger, the Cleptocat attacks again

Yeah, I know, I know, I should have known she’d do that. I know that. But I was hoping she wouldn’t…

So I had an allergic reaction and my lips blew up to the size of a house. Okay, maybe not that much, but they were (and still are a little) huge! Okay, maybe not huge, but bigger than normal. The first day it seemed like a lip procedure done wrong. You know when people inject fat (or whatever it is that they do inject) and their lips get huge and they look like three times bigger than they should be? Yeah, not that bad, but close. To be honest my boss didn’t even notice it. She said it looked like my lipstick was not right and it was a little smeared on the edges. I’m still trying to decide what’s worst, for people to think I have something contagious or for them to doubt my ability to properly apply lip gloss.

Anyway, my lips needed some sort of lip balm to keep them moisture. My biggest problem was that I don’t really buy those things because I never remember to put them on. Sure, it’s a little complicated during winter months, but I never had a big problem with my lips, so I never bothered about them. So when this happened, I had to find a lip balm. By sheer luck I had one. A Burt’s Bees one, which does sting a lot when you apply (another reason why I don’t like to apply them).

By now you are wondering, “What does the cat have to do with any of that?” And I assure you, this is needed background information. Of course I could have just said, “I needed a lip balm and only had one,” but what’s the fun on summarizing it like that?

Anyway, so I apply the Burt’s Bees thing and put it next to my bed, on my nightstand, so I could easily reach for it in the morning (or in the middle of the night, if necessary) to reapply the thing. Big mistake. Huge mistake, actually.

Ginger, as you already know, thinks that anything that is small enough to be carried around the house by her is a toy. The fact that she took the lip balm shouldn’t surprise me. However, the fact that it’s been 3 days and I have yet to find the thing does surprise me. I’m curious to know where she hid it.

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This is not my cat (or even my lip balm) but you get the idea.

But the worst part was her poker face when I inquired her about the lip balm in the morning. She didn’t even get up, just stared at me from her spot on the covers as if I was the crazy one. I swear I’m not. I know I had a lip balm. And one day I will find it.

In the mean time I ended up having to buy a new lip balm. Okay, Ginger, you win this time. But mark my words: I will find my Burt’s Bees. Yes, I will!

 

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Here’s what happened after all their dreams came true

Just saw this today and couldn’t resist. I had to post it.

This video, made by the talented Jon Cozart, went viral, with almost 8 million views already. Whether or not you agree with the political views expressed in the song, it’s hard not to be impressed by what he’s doing.

Warning: Not for children! At least not for little ones. After all, he starts by saying, “If you’ve ever wondered why Disney’s tales all end in lies, here’s what happened after all their dreams came true.”

 

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And then this finally happened

And so I went to a book signing. And it was awesome!

It was for Jenny Lawson’s Let’s Pretend This Never Happened paperback book tour. She told us a bit about other signings from her book tour, read a chapter of her book, and answered questions from the audience. Jenny was amazing. She handled it like a pro and made us all laugh. A lot.

And yes, that is Copernicus the homicidal monkey trying to steal my book. Not happening, Copernicus.

 

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Don’t we all feel smarter now?

Teddy bears and other toys kill more people than REAL bears.

Ants stretch and yawn when they wake up.

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.

Q is the only letter that never appears in the name of an US State.

A 12-year-old’s science project showed that Fast food ice was in fact dirtier than toilet water.

“Eleven plus Two” and “Twelve plus One” both equal 13 and both have 13 letters. In fact they both have THE SAME 13 letters.

“Silent” and “listen” are spelled with the same letters.

“W” is the only letter in the English alphabet that is more than one syllable.

A way you can tell if you’re whispering or not is to put your hand at your throat. If you feel vibrations, you’re talking. If you don’t, you’re whispering.

The voice of Mickey Mouse for 32 years, and the current voice of Minnie Mouse were actually married in real life.

In 1898, 14 years before the Titanic sank, Morgan Robertson wrote a book about a ship called the “Titan” that crashed into an iceberg and sank.

Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits, not vegetables.

A penny is worth 1 cent but it costs 1.7 cents to make it.

LOL isn’t just laugh out loud. LOL is also “fun” in Dutch.

No matter how hard you squeeze the two ends of an egg, it will NEVER break.

If you put two straws in your mouth: one inside a drink and one outside it, you won’t be able to drink through either straw.

A piece of paper can’t be folded in half more than 7 times .

No word in the English language rhymes with purple, orange, month or silver.

Chewing gum can keep you from crying when cutting onions.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th”.

A mosquito is more likely to bite a blonde than a brunette.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building more than 50 ft without a permit is death.

Elephants are the only land mammals that cannot jump.

A strawberry is not an actual berry, but a banana is.

You can’t hum while holding your nose closed.

The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.

Eating celery is technically exercise. When you eat celery, you burn more calories than you consume.

A female platypus sweats milk.

‘Racecar’ is spelled the same forwards and backwards.

‘Uncopyrightable’ is the longest word in the English language that doesn’t repeat a letter once.

Penguins cannot walk backwards.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, ‘They’ll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run.’ On July 20, 1969, just minutes after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first home run.

Vending machines kill four times more people each year than sharks do.

When you put a seashell next to your ear, it’s the sound of your blood surging in your veins, not the ocean.

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Wow, don’t you feel smarter now? Yeah, me neither. But, hey, at least it’s entertaining, right? I mean, I’m still thinking about the tiny ants stretching and yawing early in the morning. So cute. Now, tell the truth, did you also try to hum holding your nose closed? It’s like the licking your own elbow thing. Try it. Then tell me how it goes.

Your turn now. Tell me a useless fact that is not on this list. I dare you. Come on, it’s easy, I have almost nothing here.

 

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Ginger, the Cleptocat

I have a cleptocat. Seriously, this is a first for me. I’ve had cats stealing the pens I was using or something before, but never one using its mouth to carry things to another room. Well, that’s what Ginger does. She grabs whatever she thinks is a good toy for her and carries it to her bedroom. The good thing is, her bedroom is the one that used to be mine. Well, I still sleep in there, but let’s face it, it’s her bedroom now. And she let’s me know by meowing at me when I go in there and turn the lights on when she’s asleep. Also, her toys are usually on top of the bed (on my side of the bed, mind you) or scattered around the bed on the floor.

Here are the toys she collected so far:

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The only ones that were hers were the cat toy ball with feathers (at least it had feathers when I got it for her) and the paper ball. She loves to throw both of them up in the air and chase them around the house. It’s adorable.

The pen and the tag she got from my bedside table (I was using that tag as a bookmark). The red leaf is from a potpourri I have on my coffee table in the living room. The wine stoppers (blue and green) she got from the kitchen sink. Yes, she did carry every single one of them to the bed. Sometimes she puts those things on top of where my toes are in the middle of the night. I think she does it on purpose because she knows I’m going to move around and the noise of them falling on the hardwood floor will wake me up. That’s what she wants, because then I’ll get up to see what it is and she can meow and try to take me to the kitchen to give her tuna for breakfast.

Oh, and here’s a picture of her stealing her toy back because she didn’t like that I was taking pictures to use as evidence of her crimes.

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Have you ever had a cat (or any other pet) stealing your things like this?

 

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Life is about the little things that make us happy, right?

Sorry about the last post, people. I was feeling down and just had to vent a little. I try to remind myself that things happen when they are supposed to happen, that there’s a reason for everything, and that there’s also a right time for everything, and that it’s not up to us to decide when and how things are going to happen. I believe that if I’m here and if things are the way they are is because that’s how it’s all supposed to be. Not that I think we should all sit back and wait for everything to just magically solve itself, but that there are things we can’t control simply because we can’t really grasp all the future consequences of our choices.

We constantly ask ourselves if things would be different had we chosen a different path, and to that I think the answer is yes, things would be. Had I married my high school sweetheart I would be in a completely different place right now. Had I married my ex-fiance I would have never moved here. Had I not decided to move from my hometown to a place where I literally knew no one, things would certainly not be the same. But can I say things would be better? No, I can’t. And to be honest, I believe that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. No, things didn’t turn out the way I expected them to, but they are a result of the choices I made in life. And for now that’s good enough for me.

So moving on, guess what great news I have just received that made me do a little happy dance? I’ll be seeing Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess in March! She’ll be on a book tour and will finally come to my town! Not only that, but she’ll be here on a day I can actually go see her. It’s the “now in paperback” book tour of her book (well, what else could it be, right?). In case you’re wondering, yes, I do have her book (hardcover) already, and yes, I will be getting a new one (paperback). Why? Because there’s a new chapter in the paperback and I just have to see it. That’s why.

Anyway, I’m really excited! It will be a great way to celebrate my birthday.

 

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Have you heard of Sartalics?

Not too long ago I was complaining about the difficulties of conveying sarcasm in writing. Now I find out three interns are attempting to solve this problem with Sartalics! Sartalics is a reverse italics font, which is just like italics but leaning left instead of right.

To make their campaign known, the interns are gathering a Twitter mob of 10,000 people to simultaneously tweet at tech giants Yahoo, Google, Twitter, Facebook, Microsoft, Tumblr, YouTube and Apple. The tweet “@(company name and person in charge of decisions at said company) needs a sarcasm font style option way more than another layout update! #nosarcasm.” will be sent automatically when the campaign hits 10,000 participants. Last I saw, the Sartalics twitter account had 2,304 followers already.

Let’s all join the twitterblitz for Sartalics!

 

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