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Category Archives: Let’s Embarrass Ourselves, Shall We?

People said it couldn’t be done. But I said, why not?

Often in life we have heard people saying that something can’t be done.

Really? It can’t be done? Who said it? And why not? Can we just sit down and accept it? Should we resign ourselves to the fact that this or that is something we cannot do and just forget about it? Or should we fight for it?

I say fight. I say get up and do it! That dream you had? Act on it! That goal you have in your mind? Go for it! What do you have to lose?

All of us have already made the world a bit more complex simply by existing in it. We changed the rules from what it was to what it is now. We must now take advantage of our position as beings who exist and make that count.

After all, we are beings who live, and as such, may never be truly known. Maybe that’s it. Maybe we are not supposed to be truly known by anyone. Every single person we meet in life gets to see only one tiny piece of the complex puzzle that makes up who we are. Maybe not even I can truly see all I truly am.

How it hurts when you realize I can never be truly known.

 

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Guys in Labor. Yep, you read that right.

Last Wednesday I got sick. Real sick. And I’ve been sick since then. Great, huh? I’m not sure what gets me more annoyed, the fact that I was too tired to even walk to the kitchen and make something to eat and, therefore, didn’t leave the house for days, or that I didn’t have energy to even read. But anyway, right now I’m medicated and on my way to complete recover. I’m crossing my fingers, at least. However, I’m a little confused about the medicine the doctor gave me, since it’s supposed to lower my immune system (the one I thought I needed to fight this thing) and tells me to avoid sick people (wait a minute, am I not sick? should I avoid myself?). But I’ll give it a try. I have to.

Anyway, ever since I got sick not many things got me happy. Yesterday I did laugh a whole lot watching Diane Keaton’s interview on The Ellen DeGeneres show. But then today my friend Mel posted this video on her Facebook and I just had to share it here.

It’s about two Dutch TV hosts (Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno) who decided to be hooked up to a contraction machine to simulate labor pain. Because who doesn’t want to experience that, right? In fact, it is a type of experience very hard to describe, unless you’ve been through it. The best way I saw it described was that someone was twisting her insides and trying to rip them out of her body. But those two brave nut-jobs decided to go and see what the fuss was all about.

 

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Ginger, the Cleptocat attacks again

Yeah, I know, I know, I should have known she’d do that. I know that. But I was hoping she wouldn’t…

So I had an allergic reaction and my lips blew up to the size of a house. Okay, maybe not that much, but they were (and still are a little) huge! Okay, maybe not huge, but bigger than normal. The first day it seemed like a lip procedure done wrong. You know when people inject fat (or whatever it is that they do inject) and their lips get huge and they look like three times bigger than they should be? Yeah, not that bad, but close. To be honest my boss didn’t even notice it. She said it looked like my lipstick was not right and it was a little smeared on the edges. I’m still trying to decide what’s worst, for people to think I have something contagious or for them to doubt my ability to properly apply lip gloss.

Anyway, my lips needed some sort of lip balm to keep them moisture. My biggest problem was that I don’t really buy those things because I never remember to put them on. Sure, it’s a little complicated during winter months, but I never had a big problem with my lips, so I never bothered about them. So when this happened, I had to find a lip balm. By sheer luck I had one. A Burt’s Bees one, which does sting a lot when you apply (another reason why I don’t like to apply them).

By now you are wondering, “What does the cat have to do with any of that?” And I assure you, this is needed background information. Of course I could have just said, “I needed a lip balm and only had one,” but what’s the fun on summarizing it like that?

Anyway, so I apply the Burt’s Bees thing and put it next to my bed, on my nightstand, so I could easily reach for it in the morning (or in the middle of the night, if necessary) to reapply the thing. Big mistake. Huge mistake, actually.

Ginger, as you already know, thinks that anything that is small enough to be carried around the house by her is a toy. The fact that she took the lip balm shouldn’t surprise me. However, the fact that it’s been 3 days and I have yet to find the thing does surprise me. I’m curious to know where she hid it.

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This is not my cat (or even my lip balm) but you get the idea.

But the worst part was her poker face when I inquired her about the lip balm in the morning. She didn’t even get up, just stared at me from her spot on the covers as if I was the crazy one. I swear I’m not. I know I had a lip balm. And one day I will find it.

In the mean time I ended up having to buy a new lip balm. Okay, Ginger, you win this time. But mark my words: I will find my Burt’s Bees. Yes, I will!

 

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A wine tasting dance with a handsome stranger

I just had the most restful night ever. I can’t even remember the last time I had such a good night of sleep with such vivid dreams.

The first dream I remember was in a theater. There was going to be a play there in a few minutes, and we were going from backstage to the stage and to the part were the seats are. I can’t remember who was the man with me, but I know we were together. Once we reached the steps going down he pulled me to him and said something. It was a silly conversation and I won’t bother you with it, but it was nice.

Then we were in a restaurant. I have a feeling we were in Italy, for some reason. I can’t be sure, but I know for sure it was not here or anywhere I’ve ever been. There was a man, probably the same from the theater but I could see him a little better now. He had dark hair, a beautiful smile, and a nice chin. I know, I know, most people couldn’t care less about chins but I like them. Anyway, we were standing next to his table where there were several people, mostly women. He grabbed a bottle of wine, a special wine, and poured me a glass. He handed me the glass and I saw women looking at him as if they wanted him. I didn’t feel like they were jealous of me, but that they certainly wanted him and his attention. I remember laughing. He started dancing with me and I told him to slow down so I could drink the wine and that I had to smell it first. And I can still remember how good the wine tasted.

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Cheers to good dreams and strangers making us smile!
(photo by CityRover Media – http://www.cityrover.com)

 

 

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Don’t we all feel smarter now?

Teddy bears and other toys kill more people than REAL bears.

Ants stretch and yawn when they wake up.

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.

Q is the only letter that never appears in the name of an US State.

A 12-year-old’s science project showed that Fast food ice was in fact dirtier than toilet water.

“Eleven plus Two” and “Twelve plus One” both equal 13 and both have 13 letters. In fact they both have THE SAME 13 letters.

“Silent” and “listen” are spelled with the same letters.

“W” is the only letter in the English alphabet that is more than one syllable.

A way you can tell if you’re whispering or not is to put your hand at your throat. If you feel vibrations, you’re talking. If you don’t, you’re whispering.

The voice of Mickey Mouse for 32 years, and the current voice of Minnie Mouse were actually married in real life.

In 1898, 14 years before the Titanic sank, Morgan Robertson wrote a book about a ship called the “Titan” that crashed into an iceberg and sank.

Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits, not vegetables.

A penny is worth 1 cent but it costs 1.7 cents to make it.

LOL isn’t just laugh out loud. LOL is also “fun” in Dutch.

No matter how hard you squeeze the two ends of an egg, it will NEVER break.

If you put two straws in your mouth: one inside a drink and one outside it, you won’t be able to drink through either straw.

A piece of paper can’t be folded in half more than 7 times .

No word in the English language rhymes with purple, orange, month or silver.

Chewing gum can keep you from crying when cutting onions.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th”.

A mosquito is more likely to bite a blonde than a brunette.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building more than 50 ft without a permit is death.

Elephants are the only land mammals that cannot jump.

A strawberry is not an actual berry, but a banana is.

You can’t hum while holding your nose closed.

The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.

Eating celery is technically exercise. When you eat celery, you burn more calories than you consume.

A female platypus sweats milk.

‘Racecar’ is spelled the same forwards and backwards.

‘Uncopyrightable’ is the longest word in the English language that doesn’t repeat a letter once.

Penguins cannot walk backwards.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, ‘They’ll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run.’ On July 20, 1969, just minutes after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first home run.

Vending machines kill four times more people each year than sharks do.

When you put a seashell next to your ear, it’s the sound of your blood surging in your veins, not the ocean.

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Wow, don’t you feel smarter now? Yeah, me neither. But, hey, at least it’s entertaining, right? I mean, I’m still thinking about the tiny ants stretching and yawing early in the morning. So cute. Now, tell the truth, did you also try to hum holding your nose closed? It’s like the licking your own elbow thing. Try it. Then tell me how it goes.

Your turn now. Tell me a useless fact that is not on this list. I dare you. Come on, it’s easy, I have almost nothing here.

 

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Ginger, the Cleptocat

I have a cleptocat. Seriously, this is a first for me. I’ve had cats stealing the pens I was using or something before, but never one using its mouth to carry things to another room. Well, that’s what Ginger does. She grabs whatever she thinks is a good toy for her and carries it to her bedroom. The good thing is, her bedroom is the one that used to be mine. Well, I still sleep in there, but let’s face it, it’s her bedroom now. And she let’s me know by meowing at me when I go in there and turn the lights on when she’s asleep. Also, her toys are usually on top of the bed (on my side of the bed, mind you) or scattered around the bed on the floor.

Here are the toys she collected so far:

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The only ones that were hers were the cat toy ball with feathers (at least it had feathers when I got it for her) and the paper ball. She loves to throw both of them up in the air and chase them around the house. It’s adorable.

The pen and the tag she got from my bedside table (I was using that tag as a bookmark). The red leaf is from a potpourri I have on my coffee table in the living room. The wine stoppers (blue and green) she got from the kitchen sink. Yes, she did carry every single one of them to the bed. Sometimes she puts those things on top of where my toes are in the middle of the night. I think she does it on purpose because she knows I’m going to move around and the noise of them falling on the hardwood floor will wake me up. That’s what she wants, because then I’ll get up to see what it is and she can meow and try to take me to the kitchen to give her tuna for breakfast.

Oh, and here’s a picture of her stealing her toy back because she didn’t like that I was taking pictures to use as evidence of her crimes.

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Have you ever had a cat (or any other pet) stealing your things like this?

 

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Noisy toys in the middle of the night

Ginger is feeling completely at home by now. Did I tell you about her favorite toy? By the way, whoever said “buy your cat a toy that makes noise so you’ll know when he’s playing with it” does not have a cat. Either that or he locks his cat out of the house at night.

Well, Ginger has a few toys that make noise. I have to admit when I bought them I had that advice in mind and really thought it would be a good idea. How cute would it be to be doing something and all of a sudden hear her playing with her toy? Adorable right? I could see myself doing dishes or working on something on my computer and hearing her playing. Adorable.

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It has feathers. And a bell inside. And she throws it in the air to play with it. Adorable.

Now imagine that the thing you’re doing is sleeping, and that it’s anywhere between 3 and 5 in the morning. How cute does it sound now? Still cute?

Then imagine that she is grabbing the toy with her paw or with mouth and throwing it up in the air, only to hit hardwood floor. Still cute?

Now imagine she’s doing that under your bed, right under where your head is resting on a pillow, making the toy hit the metal part under your bed before hitting the hardwood floor.

And do you know what’s more frustrating? Every single night when I wake up to try to fetch the toy for her and hide it, I promise myself I’ll remember to hide it the next night before going to bed. But do I do that? No, of course not.

Apparently I’m a glutton for punishment.

 

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I have a feeling this will only make sense in my head.

That moment when you forget you had something in the oven so you rush to rescue whatever is left of it, but then you get there and the cheese is overflowing and the chicken is all “Rawwr,” and you’re like “Get over it, chicken. You’re just a chicken,” and you realize how much you miss your mom.

Does this make sense?

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This is the look I was going for, I guess. The actual end result was… well… a bit scarier.

 

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Reading, cooking and playing pranks, that’s what vacations are all about.

Right now I’m enjoying some vacation time, and that means visiting my home country, my family, my friends, and my cats. My days are filled with reading some new stories and re-reading old ones, cooking with mom a few of my favorite dishes, and obeying my cats wishes of when and for how long to pet them.

But that’s another story. Let’s go back to cooking. The other day we were able to verify my grandma’s been senile for a very long time. We were using a handwritten recipe book my grandma wrote for me a few years ago. It’s full of dead people’s recipes. Well, my grandma wouldn’t say it like that, but let’s face it, most of our ancestors are no longer breathing.

Anyway, although I love my grandma’s effort in putting all the recipes together for me, I do have to question her at times. I think she forgets I’m not really that used to being in the kitchen and am not sure how to caramelize a pan with no ingredients listed or steps to follow (I do know now and I have to say it’s easier than it sounds).

But some of her recipes are also missing a few basic steps, probably because they were too obvious for her. She doesn’t tell you to bake things, for instance. How long and at what temperature to bake something? Oh, please, of course she doesn’t tell you that! How dare you ask!

Now, the best part was to throw away a whole batch of cream because it was not thickening, just to realize soon afterwards that we were supposed to add the egg yolks before, not after cooking the cream as specified in my grandma’s recipe.

Another important lesson I learned that day: do not try to be funny when your mother asks you if you know how to do something. She starts getting upset, you can’t stop laughing, then you try to make another joke and end up laughing and crying uncontrollably in front of the freezer.

Good times. Good times indeed.

Do you think that’s why she decided to wake me up from a nap using a spray bottle? Nah, of course not. She wouldn’t be seeking revenge, right? Right?

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New Year Wish

I love new years. They are brand new notebooks full of blank pages just waiting for us. And we fill their pages with new stories, new dreams, and new mistakes. Yes, mistakes, lots of them. Because life is not life without some good mistakes along the way.

I remember once looking for quotes on the internet and stumbling into some really great ones written by Neil Gaiman.

Gaiman’s new year wish for 2005 (written in 2001):

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

For 2008 he added:

…I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be,  be wise, and that you will always be kind.

And for 2012 his wish was:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

I guess my New Year Wish for 2013 is very similar to the ones Gaiman made, only with my own twist:

May 2013 be full of magic, dreams, and lots of good madness – because nothing is complete without a touch of good madness in it. May we read great books full of wonderful stories to inspire us. May we make mistakes, lots of them, and may we also make art – any kind of it. May we write, draw, dance, sing, act, paint, create. May we never stop doing something we’re afraid of doing. May we live brand new adventuresMay we learn the magic of dancing in the middle of a supermarket. May we embarrass ourselves and live life to the fullest. And may we never forget to be furiously happy!!

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