First of all, if you’re thinking the zombie apocalypse won’t come, that’s actually pretty great. You’ll be unprepared and I won’t have to feel bad for tripping you. Hey, it’s a matter of survival. I need to buy me some time, after all. But I do apologize in advance for having to shoot you in the head. I will have to. For your own good.
Anyway, after seeing The Bloggess talking about the zombie apocalypse on CNN, I just had to write about it. Because, come on, everyone can see there’s a great need to be prepared for the it. Only the news lady could laugh at such an important matter. The CDC has already talked about how to prepare for it, and even Fox News and The Washington Post talked about it. Because, they know it’s coming.
There are even scientific reasons for the zombie apocalypse, such as brain parasites or neurotoxins, and not even the most skeptical person can argue with science. In fact, there’s probably a scientist out there, mixing rabies with an old meatloaf and feeding it to a gorilla right now as you read this. But whatever the cause is, we’ll still need to be prepared.
So learn how to put together a survival kit and a few other tricks that could be useful. Don’t forget to always wear seatbelts and always check the back seat. Be sure to practice using your weapon of choice beforehand. And document everything. Because one day people will want to know where were you during the zombie apocalypse. You wouldn’t want to forget the details to that. Trust me.
I really think schools should start doing zombie apocalypse drills. Until then, we can certainly do our own.
P.S.: Although it’s not the zombie apocalypse yet, I’m currently getting ready for a tornado. I’ll be pretending I’m hiding from zombies. It will be way more fun that way. Just not so bloody, I hope.