(The following actually happened on Nov 29, 2011, but I’m only now posting it here. I actually wrote it for a blog I share with a friend, but since I wanted to share it here also, and my friend is totally awesome, here it is. Enjoy it. Or skip it. Your call.)
A ton of tinny problems woke me up at 5 am this morning. Then they each took a turn, bugging me for answers. I had none. So I just kept rolling in bed till it was time to get up. They could keep me awake, but they would not force me out of bed before it was necessary.
Got dressed and ready really fast. Got the kids ready, gave them breakfast, and loaded the car. Since I didn’t have breakfast, I decided to stop at Starbucks for some coffee. And what did I order? Right, a venti skinny peppermint mocha. When the lady handed me the cup, I thought about asking for a stopper. But I didn’t want to be late to drop kids off at school, so I thought “what if it spills a little, big deal. It’s such a tinny little opening. What kind of damage could it cause?”
Don’t ever tempt faith by saying things like that. Ever!
Two blocks away I had to turn right, and as I turned, the cup decided to keep going straight, instead of turning with the car. The funny thing is that I saw the damn cup tilting, I saw the lid flying on top of my leg, and I saw the brown warm liquid flooding the driver’s seat. And as I saw it, I also felt it. FUCK, it was HOT! Hot, hot, hot! And I couldn’t do a damn thing about it! I kept my head cool and was able to keep driving without hitting anybody. I didn’t even realize I was whispering “fuck” repeatedly, till the toddler in the backseat caught my attention by saying “What happened? Are you okay?” He’s the sweetest little thing ever. And only because of him, I kept driving till I reached where we had to go. I had to unload the car with mocha-soaked pants and take him and his sister to their classroom. It was humiliating. And I thanked whatever god there was that I had decided to wear black pants, or everyone would be able to see the damage from far away.
They walked with the speed of a snail going to meet its faithful death. Today, of all days, some teacher from another room noticed they were twins and had to make a comment. And that made them stop. Today, of all days, I was not in the mood for that. I was already fuming. I did not need to have to deal with two little ones trying to climb on me because the stranger was talking to them. So I just bent down, holding the over-sized load of things we always have to carry with us, and begged them to just keep walking. They did. Bless their hearts. We reached the classroom and they started crying. They always cry when we get there. But they seem to have fun. I don’t know. But it always breaks my heart to leave them crying. I gave them the biggest of hugs and kissed the top of their heads. For a moment I even forgot about my coffee soaked pants and how crappy the day was going. And then they disappeared after the teacher in the classroom, looking for toys to play with.
Then I went back to Starbucks. Fuming.
When the lady saw me walk in, she came, all helpful, trying to take the cup and soaked papers from my hands. I asked for the manager and told her what happened. They were extremely nice and help me, bless their hearts, but I was still pretty upset about the whole thing. I didn’t scream at them or anything, just told them what happened. They gave me another drink and a number to call. They registered my case and will solve the car problem, because now the car smells like peppermint mocha. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s not my favorite either. I guess I should just be glad nothing more serious happened. No burns, no car accidents, no kids got hurt. I think that makes for a successful morning.
So today was the day a venti skinny peppermint mocha tried to kill me, but was only successful at scaring the crap out of me and getting my pants and my underwear soaking wet. I guess I won.
Take that, peppermint mocha!
P.S.: The kids are not mine, I was just taking care of them. I wish they were, though, ’cause they’re pretty awesome!